ChoozIM

Don Miguel Ruiz wasn't talking about open relationships when he wrote his short book, but he could have been.I've recommended The Four Agreements to more people than I can count. Long before I was coaching couples in the lifestyle, I read the book for the first time. It is dec...

First dates can induce feelings of excitement, but it can also be harrowing and nerveracking. This is especially true if you’re dating with the intention of wanting a second date.  So, if you’ve had a successful first date and you’re getting ready to go on a second, yay you! H...

You probably know the story.Pandora gets a box, well, technically a jar, but let's not split hairs, and she's told not to open it. She opens it. Everything chaotic and overwhelming and hard spills out into the world. She slams the lid shut, and the damage is done. It has becom...

Here's something I've noticed after seven+ years of being in the lifestyle: The word swinging has connotations for people. Many people don't like it (see my blog post on this, Reclaiming the Word Swinger) and resist using it even if that is, indeed, what they are.For some peop...

I got to talk about this experience (and a lot more) on the Psychedelics, Sex and the Superconscious podcast - the episode is called Non-Monogamy and Relationships with Lauren Hayes. If you'd rather listen than read, start there. If you want the full story, keep going.‍There i...

For me, apologizing has always felt "easy."I could generate a heartfelt I'm sorry faster than most people could register they were upset. I said it often, and I meant it every time.Something I came to see through my coaching training, though, was that I was apologizing at peop...

Dragons, dark lords, and doomed romances are leaving the pages of books and becoming a powerful catalyst for people’s intimate lives. With steamy “romantasy” sagas climbing bestseller lists, new research* from LELO—coninciding with the World Book Day on April 23rd—reveals how ...

This article is written by a licensed psychotherapist. Walking away from an unhealthy relationship can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory. You may crave closeness but notice your body tensing, your mind second-guessing, or your heart hesitating. The desire for connec...

He said it so earnestly:“I don’t always tell her what I’m really feeling because I’m protecting her.”I nodded. I’ve heard this line a lot.Usually, it’s said by someone who deeply loves their partner. They don’t want to hurt them, overwhelm them, or add more emotional weight to...

One of the most painful and confusing experiences in a relationship is wanting closeness with your partner and feeling met with distance instead. In these moments, it can be easy to assume something is wrong with the relationship, with them, or with yourself. Many people find ...

If you’ve followed me for any length of time, or read my book, you know that Esther Perel is one of my life heroes. Her work has reached and influenced me deeply, as it is clearly doing for millions of others around the world.Today I listened to an episode of her podcast, Wher...

There’s something so luxurious about gifting someone a LELO pleasure product.  After all, LELO has worked hard to bring you sex toys that are not only sleek, elegant, and high class, but also capable of all sorts of heightened pleasure, and producing firework-inducing orgasms....

May 7 update: you can also hear about the cruise on The Natasha Helfer Podcast - Non-Monogamy, Lifestyle Cruises and Conscious Monogamy (April 22nd episode)When I was in my 20s, I went on a cruise and decided, definitively, that I was not a cruise person.Fast forward a couple ...

Whether you’re flying solo this February or looking to turn up the heat with a partner, Valentine’s Day is the ultimate excuse to prioritize your own pleasure. We believe that self-care should feel as good as it looks, and there’s no better time to upgrade your bedside drawer ...

Twenty-five percent of American couples have sex only one time per month — or less, according to new research. The new poll of 2,000 U.S. adults in a relationship or married found that keeping the spark alive can sometimes be a challenge, as 14% of those polled say their sex l...

I’m not a big one for sports analogies, but at my last retreat, during the final integration ceremony, a couple shared something that everyone in the room understood immediately.They said, “We’ve been defensive about our relationship. We get help when we’re in trouble. This re...

Hello there, gorgeous! Thinking about making this Christmas the most wonderful time of the year for yourself and your special someone? 😉 Forget the boring socks and sweaters—it’s time to put some real sizzle into those stockings. LELO is here to be your naughty little helper,...

This blog post is a summary of the SDC Afternoon Delight I did recently. You can catch the video on my YouTube channel here.Sex drive mismatches are incredibly common in long-term relationships, monogamous or non. But when couples step into ethical non-monogamy or the swinging...

Lately, I’ve been noticing a theme weaving through my conversations, coaching sessions, and what I’ve been watching; the complicated, often unspoken dance between value and worth. Whether it’s in dating, the lifestyle, or our own heads, it’s time we talk about how we measure i...

Seducing a man is about more than showing tits and ass. Seduction in many ways is a form of self-expression. What is it about you that makes you feel the most attractive? When you find a man attractive, this is what you put out into the universe. If he finds that part of you a...

Recently, I was a guest on the Hump Day Quickies podcast, and one of the topics that (unsurprisingly) came up was the shame (or guilt) that can sneak in after a big, fun weekend. You know the one: everything felt amazing in the moment - connected, sexy, alive - and then, the n...

This post is based on a 20-minute topic talk I gave recently on SDC - you can also catch the recording on my YouTube channel here. When most couples start exploring the lifestyle, the focus is usually on what happens before and during play: setting boundaries, choosing partner...

At some point in the lifestyle, most people hear about this place - Cap d’Agde (and if you haven’t before, now you have). A tiny town on the Mediterranean in southern France with an entire gated neighborhood called the village naturiste. Just 3,500 year-round residents, but in...

When people think about ethical non-monogamy, the first words that often come to mind are fun, adventure, and maybe even freedom.Yes. The joy of exploring new connections, the thrill of novelty, and the deepening of intimacy with your partner can be extraordinary.But what peop...

One of the most important things I teach is this: you are never obligated to play. Ever. In swinging, the only expectation should be mutual enthusiasm. And yet, it can feel like there’s pressure—sometimes from others, but often from within. Because even if someone else is hopi...

When my husband and I separated this spring (this was short-term), I didn’t know what would happen next. We’d been partners for 20 years, parents, lovers, friends—and for the last six + years, we’d also been ethically non-monogamous. When things got hard, really hard, it wasn’...

I interviewed someone today who was curious about joining Sacred Sluts—the group that I’m a part of whose description is “spiritually minded women practicing non-monogamy.” We asked her what drew her to the group and her answer has been echoing in my head all day. The truth of...

I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about one of the topics in my book—something to tie into promoting it—but today, I feel more inspired to write about the writing of a book instead. “I think I wrote this book just for me,” I said to my therapist. “Did I just write this bo...

For this post, I am sharing a story from a dear lifestyle friend. I hope you enjoy her story as much as I do! - LaurenSo, you’ve decided to try swinging or the lifestyle with your partner, but have no idea where to start? Join the club—we’ve all been there. Let me share my per...