ChoozIM

This article is written by a licensed psychotherapist. Walking away from an unhealthy relationship can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory. You may crave closeness but notice your body tensing, your mind second-guessing, or your heart hesitating. The desire for connec...

He said it so earnestly:“I don’t always tell her what I’m really feeling because I’m protecting her.”I nodded. I’ve heard this line a lot.Usually, it’s said by someone who deeply loves their partner. They don’t want to hurt them, overwhelm them, or add more emotional weight to...

One of the most painful and confusing experiences in a relationship is wanting closeness with your partner and feeling met with distance instead. In these moments, it can be easy to assume something is wrong with the relationship, with them, or with yourself. Many people find ...

If you’ve followed me for any length of time, or read my book, you know that Esther Perel is one of my life heroes. Her work has reached and influenced me deeply, as it is clearly doing for millions of others around the world.Today I listened to an episode of her podcast, Wher...

There’s something so luxurious about gifting someone a LELO pleasure product.  After all, LELO has worked hard to bring you sex toys that are not only sleek, elegant, and high class, but also capable of all sorts of heightened pleasure, and producing firework-inducing orgasms....

When I was in my 20s, I went on a cruise and decided, definitively, that I was not a cruise person.Fast forward a couple decades, and my family and I went on an Alaskan cruise. It was beautiful, majestic and also… mildly irritating. So many rules. So many restrictions. It’s un...

Whether you’re flying solo this February or looking to turn up the heat with a partner, Valentine’s Day is the ultimate excuse to prioritize your own pleasure. We believe that self-care should feel as good as it looks, and there’s no better time to upgrade your bedside drawer ...

Twenty-five percent of American couples have sex only one time per month — or less, according to new research. The new poll of 2,000 U.S. adults in a relationship or married found that keeping the spark alive can sometimes be a challenge, as 14% of those polled say their sex l...

I’m not a big one for sports analogies, but at my last retreat, during the final integration ceremony, a couple shared something that everyone in the room understood immediately.They said, “We’ve been defensive about our relationship. We get help when we’re in trouble. This re...

Hello there, gorgeous! Thinking about making this Christmas the most wonderful time of the year for yourself and your special someone? 😉 Forget the boring socks and sweaters—it’s time to put some real sizzle into those stockings. LELO is here to be your naughty little helper,...

This blog post is a summary of the SDC Afternoon Delight I did recently. You can catch the video on my YouTube channel here.Sex drive mismatches are incredibly common in long-term relationships, monogamous or non. But when couples step into ethical non-monogamy or the swinging...

Lately, I’ve been noticing a theme weaving through my conversations, coaching sessions, and what I’ve been watching; the complicated, often unspoken dance between value and worth. Whether it’s in dating, the lifestyle, or our own heads, it’s time we talk about how we measure i...

Seducing a man is about more than showing tits and ass. Seduction in many ways is a form of self-expression. What is it about you that makes you feel the most attractive? When you find a man attractive, this is what you put out into the universe. If he finds that part of you a...

Recently, I was a guest on the Hump Day Quickies podcast, and one of the topics that (unsurprisingly) came up was the shame (or guilt) that can sneak in after a big, fun weekend. You know the one: everything felt amazing in the moment - connected, sexy, alive - and then, the n...

This post is based on a 20-minute topic talk I gave recently on SDC - you can also catch the recording on my YouTube channel here. When most couples start exploring the lifestyle, the focus is usually on what happens before and during play: setting boundaries, choosing partner...

Seduction is to sex what romance is to love. Seducing a woman is much, much more than getting her to sleep with you. Done right, seduction is about understanding the other person’s needs, feeling out her personal nuances, responding to what she’s putting out there. There’s a r...

At some point in the lifestyle, most people hear about this place - Cap d’Agde (and if you haven’t before, now you have). A tiny town on the Mediterranean in southern France with an entire gated neighborhood called the village naturiste. Just 3,500 year-round residents, but in...

When people think about ethical non-monogamy, the first words that often come to mind are fun, adventure, and maybe even freedom.Yes. The joy of exploring new connections, the thrill of novelty, and the deepening of intimacy with your partner can be extraordinary.But what peop...

One of the most important things I teach is this: you are never obligated to play. Ever. In swinging, the only expectation should be mutual enthusiasm. And yet, it can feel like there’s pressure—sometimes from others, but often from within. Because even if someone else is hopi...

Dating apps have revolutionized the way we connect and interact with people, especially in a sexual context.  Never before have we had access to so many new people at any time. Apps also connect people who normally wouldn’t be as available to connect, like shy folk and those w...

When my husband and I separated this spring (this was short-term), I didn’t know what would happen next. We’d been partners for 20 years, parents, lovers, friends—and for the last six + years, we’d also been ethically non-monogamous. When things got hard, really hard, it wasn’...

I interviewed someone today who was curious about joining Sacred Sluts—the group that I’m a part of whose description is “spiritually minded women practicing non-monogamy.” We asked her what drew her to the group and her answer has been echoing in my head all day. The truth of...

I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about one of the topics in my book—something to tie into promoting it—but today, I feel more inspired to write about the writing of a book instead. “I think I wrote this book just for me,” I said to my therapist. “Did I just write this bo...

For this post, I am sharing a story from a dear lifestyle friend. I hope you enjoy her story as much as I do! - LaurenSo, you’ve decided to try swinging or the lifestyle with your partner, but have no idea where to start? Join the club—we’ve all been there. Let me share my per...

Language is powerful. It unites, divides, and, most importantly, shapes how we see ourselves and how others see us. Over the years, certain words have carried negative connotations, creating stigmas that linger long after their initial usage. For those of us in the ethically n...

I’ve been a guest on several vanilla podcasts recently and Conscious Choice is a topic that I often speak about.  This is geared towards a vanilla audience, but still an interesting conversation for us, who have made this conscious choice around relationship. It is an angle th...

I’ve been thinking about something. I’ve been thinking about Fathers I’d Like to Fuck: FILFs. There are quite a few. What I’m wondering i . . . Why is FILF not a thing? To my knowledge, and everyone that I’ve asked since I started wondering about it, this is not a thing. I’ll ...

When hubs and I were considering getting into the lifestyle, I called a friend whom I knew had experience with it, and while I knew it didn’t work for them, I valued her opinion. I asked her what she thought. “Am I crazy?” I asked. Without answering the “Am I crazy” part, she ...

One morning, after a fun overnight lifestyle party, my friend and I were sitting on the patio, basking in the sun, enjoying the Park City mountain views. We were just talking and maybe cuddling, as lifestyle friends do. Her partner came out with a cup of coffee for each of us ...