ChoozIM

This blog post is a summary of the SDC Afternoon Delight I did recently. You can catch the video on my YouTube channel here.Sex drive mismatches are incredibly common in long-term relationships, monogamous or non. But when couples step into ethical non-monogamy or the swinging...

Lately, I’ve been noticing a theme weaving through my conversations, coaching sessions, and what I’ve been watching; the complicated, often unspoken dance between value and worth. Whether it’s in dating, the lifestyle, or our own heads, it’s time we talk about how we measure i...

Seducing a man is about more than showing tits and ass. Seduction in many ways is a form of self-expression. What is it about you that makes you feel the most attractive? When you find a man attractive, this is what you put out into the universe. If he finds that part of you a...

Recently, I was a guest on the Hump Day Quickies podcast, and one of the topics that (unsurprisingly) came up was the shame (or guilt) that can sneak in after a big, fun weekend. You know the one: everything felt amazing in the moment - connected, sexy, alive - and then, the n...

This post is based on a 20-minute topic talk I gave recently on SDC - you can also catch the recording on my YouTube channel here. When most couples start exploring the lifestyle, the focus is usually on what happens before and during play: setting boundaries, choosing partner...

Seduction is to sex what romance is to love. Seducing a woman is much, much more than getting her to sleep with you. Done right, seduction is about understanding the other person’s needs, feeling out her personal nuances, responding to what she’s putting out there. There’s a r...

At some point in the lifestyle, most people hear about this place - Cap d’Agde (and if you haven’t before, now you have). A tiny town on the Mediterranean in southern France with an entire gated neighborhood called the village naturiste. Just 3,500 year-round residents, but in...

When people think about ethical non-monogamy, the first words that often come to mind are fun, adventure, and maybe even freedom.Yes. The joy of exploring new connections, the thrill of novelty, and the deepening of intimacy with your partner can be extraordinary.But what peop...

One of the most important things I teach is this: you are never obligated to play. Ever. In swinging, the only expectation should be mutual enthusiasm. And yet, it can feel like there’s pressure—sometimes from others, but often from within. Because even if someone else is hopi...

Dating apps have revolutionized the way we connect and interact with people, especially in a sexual context.  Never before have we had access to so many new people at any time. Apps also connect people who normally wouldn’t be as available to connect, like shy folk and those w...

Take a moment and imagine a woman using a vibrator. What type of toy do you imagine her using? If you pictured a toy that stimulates the external genitals, you are in line with reality. In an informal survey I did with my Instagram followers, among those who used sex toys, 83%...

Marriage rates aren’t what they used to be, and being in a relationship isn’t the priority anymore for many women across the globe. The growing trend of single women is expanding, and the shift is becoming more visible across all ages, cultures, and socioeconomic classes.  The...

When my husband and I separated this spring (this was short-term), I didn’t know what would happen next. We’d been partners for 20 years, parents, lovers, friends—and for the last six + years, we’d also been ethically non-monogamous. When things got hard, really hard, it wasn’...

There’s a common Spanish saying: Amor de lejos, amor de pendejos. Essentially, it means that long distance relationships are for fools. There’s some truth to that – long-distance relationships come with their unique set of challenges that can strain even the strongest relation...

Sex toys aren’t just for masturbation, they can also be an incredible way to bring you closer to your partner. And it’s not just a matter of bringing any old sex toy into the mix, there are a bunch of couples’ sex toys on the market that can be incredible for shared intimacy. ...

No sex toy, no matter how advanced, can ever replace the communion of spirit and flesh that is created between two human beings who share a sensual moment. However, couples who incorporate sex toys often report greater intimacy and satisfaction.  When introducing a sex toy int...

I interviewed someone today who was curious about joining Sacred Sluts—the group that I’m a part of whose description is “spiritually minded women practicing non-monogamy.” We asked her what drew her to the group and her answer has been echoing in my head all day. The truth of...

How many solo sex toys do you have in your goodie drawer? Chances are you have at least one. And if you’re a seasoned sex toy user, then you probably have at least a couple. Many people indulge in solo pleasure – one of the largest studies on the subject that surveyed over 10,...

I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about one of the topics in my book—something to tie into promoting it—but today, I feel more inspired to write about the writing of a book instead. “I think I wrote this book just for me,” I said to my therapist. “Did I just write this bo...

For this post, I am sharing a story from a dear lifestyle friend. I hope you enjoy her story as much as I do! - LaurenSo, you’ve decided to try swinging or the lifestyle with your partner, but have no idea where to start? Join the club—we’ve all been there. Let me share my per...

Language is powerful. It unites, divides, and, most importantly, shapes how we see ourselves and how others see us. Over the years, certain words have carried negative connotations, creating stigmas that linger long after their initial usage. For those of us in the ethically n...

I’ve been a guest on several vanilla podcasts recently and Conscious Choice is a topic that I often speak about.  This is geared towards a vanilla audience, but still an interesting conversation for us, who have made this conscious choice around relationship. It is an angle th...

I’ve been thinking about something. I’ve been thinking about Fathers I’d Like to Fuck: FILFs. There are quite a few. What I’m wondering i . . . Why is FILF not a thing? To my knowledge, and everyone that I’ve asked since I started wondering about it, this is not a thing. I’ll ...

When hubs and I were considering getting into the lifestyle, I called a friend whom I knew had experience with it, and while I knew it didn’t work for them, I valued her opinion. I asked her what she thought. “Am I crazy?” I asked. Without answering the “Am I crazy” part, she ...

One morning, after a fun overnight lifestyle party, my friend and I were sitting on the patio, basking in the sun, enjoying the Park City mountain views. We were just talking and maybe cuddling, as lifestyle friends do. Her partner came out with a cup of coffee for each of us ...

For this post I am sharing a story from a dear lifestyle friend. I hope you enjoy her story as much as I do! - LaurenWhen my husband and I first entered the lifestyle, to say I was naïve would probably be a massive understatement. I’d been raised in an extremely conservative a...

They say, and I agree, that the start of any project is the hardest part. This is a question I get a lot, “We are both interested, but how do we start?” Transitioning your marriage or monogamous relationship to a non-monogamous relationship is one big project, if you will. It ...

When considering swinging many people are concerned that there is some expectation to have sex with anyone and everyone. Conversely, some might hope that they can have sex with anyone and everyone. Neither, of course, are at all true. Navigating rejection, however, can feel tr...

There is a mantra that exists on the homepage of my website. I cite it often, and it is this:ENM, or Lifestyle, can be anything you want it to be as long as everyone knows about it and everyone is enthusiastically consenting.I truly believe this. My opinion about one of the mo...